Deadpool (2016)

It's Christmas Day Scene 1

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 1, "It's Christmas Day", from the film Deadpool.

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CHARACTERS IN SCENE 1

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Kinda lonesome back here.Yeah, little help.
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  • Dopinder
    Okay, um, just, I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Excuse me. Whoo!
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  • Dopinder
    Ah, Dopinder.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Pool. Dead. Hmm, nice.
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  • Dopinder
    Smells good, no?
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.
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  • Dopinder
    Ah, yes. Gita.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Hmm.
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  • Dopinder
    She is quite lovely. She would have made me a very agreeable wife. But, um... Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin Bandhu. He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Dopinder, I'm starting to think there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
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  • Dopinder
    Yeah, sir, you called for it, remember?
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    No, my slender brown friend. Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world tastes like Daffodil Daydream. So you gotta hold onto love... ...tight!
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  • Dopinder
    Ah.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Got it?
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  • Dopinder
    Yeah.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
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  • Dopinder
    Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss. Okay, enough. I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad!
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  • Dopinder
    Hmm, it's bad. Uh, why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks... six days and, oh... 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
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  • Dopinder
    And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    This shit... Boo!
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