Deadpool (2016)

Three Shots of Patron Scene 16

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 16, "Three Shots of Patron", from the film Deadpool.

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CHARACTERS IN SCENE 16

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • Deadpool (Wade)
    I love you.
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  • Weasel
    Wade.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Weas.
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  • Weasel
    You look like you need a Blow Job and a shower. Though courtesy calls for the latter first.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    How about three shots of Patron?
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  • Weasel
    Or how about Triticum aestivum, wheatgrass. Excellent for the immune system.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Jesus Christ. You sound like Vanessa. Here, check it out. She's sending away for all these I'm sure they're all FDA approved. Chechnya. Isn't that where you go to get cancer? You got China and Central Mexico. You know how they say "cancer" in Spanish?
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  • Weasel
    No.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    El Cancer.
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  • Weasel
    Oh. I could have guessed that. Look how happy you look here. Mind if I keep this? Put it up, so I can remember when you looked alive. At least now I'm gonna win the dead pool. Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    I got it, Weas. Thanks.
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  • Weasel
    Oh. And, uh, that guy over there came in looking for you. Real Grim Reaper type. I don't know. Might further the plot.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Boothe.
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  • Boothe
    Wade.
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  • Agent Smith
    Mr. Wilson.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van.
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  • Agent Smith
    I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Stalker alert.
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  • Agent Smith
    It's my job. Recruitment. I'm sorry you've had such a tough go. But you're a fighter. Special Forces. 41 confirmed kills.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    One every seven weeks. Same rate most folks get a haircut. Hmm... It's to wash the taste out. It's tough to forget being so impressive.
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  • Agent Smith
    And now you spend your days sticking up for the little people...
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    People change. What do you want?
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  • Agent Smith
    I represent an organization that may be able to help. What if I told you we can cure your cancer? And what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of?
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y.
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  • Agent Smith
    The world needs extraordinary soldiers. We won't just make you better. We will make you better than better. A superhero.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Look, Agent Smith, I tried the hero business and it left a mark. But if I ever hit "fuck it," I'll look you up. Oh, um... Shit. We're within 500 yards of a school, so you may wanna... His drink's on him.
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  • Weasel
    What did he say?
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