Deadpool (2016)

Disgusting Avocado Scene 21

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 21, "Disgusting Avocado", from the film Deadpool.

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CHARACTERS IN SCENE 21

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • Deadpool (Wade)
    No way. I'm not making her life as ugly as mine.
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  • Weasel
    Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Ah, bullshit! I'm a monster inside and out. I belong in a fucking circus.
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  • Weasel
    Wade, Vanessa loves you. She doesn't care what you... Oh! Oh.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Do you like what you see?
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  • Weasel
    No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Yeah.
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  • Weasel
    Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship... and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
    13 people liked this quote

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug... is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory. And he's gone. Poof!
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  • Weasel
    Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this... because as of now, you only have one course of action.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Damn straight. Find Francis.
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  • Weasel
    Star in horror films.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    What?
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  • Weasel
    Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
    7 people liked this quote

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Here's what I'm actually gonna do. I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis... force him to fix this, then put a bullet in his skull... and fuck the brain hole.
    3 people liked this quote

  • Weasel
    I don't wanna see that or think of it again. But the douchebag does thinks you're dead, right?
    2 people liked this quote

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Yeah.
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  • Weasel
    That's good. You should keep it that way.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    What, like, wear a mask?
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  • Weasel
    Yes. A very thick mask. All the time. I am sorry...you are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Like a testicle with teeth.
    3 people liked this quote

  • Weasel
    You will die alone. I mean, if you could die. Ideally, for others' sake.
    2 people liked this quote

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    That'll do.
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  • Weasel
    All you need now is a suit and a nickname... like Wade the Wisecracker... or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie. Oh, shit.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    What?
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  • Weasel
    I put all my money on you and now... I just realized I'm never gonna win the, uh...
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Dead pool. Captain Deadpool... No, just...
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  • Weasel
    Just Deadpool, yeah.
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  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Just Deadpool.
    2 people liked this quote

  • Weasel
    To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise.
    3 people liked this quote

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