Zoolander (2001)

Lose Five Pounds Immediately Scene 10

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 10, "Lose Five Pounds Immediately", from the film Zoolander.

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CHARACTERS IN SCENE 10

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • Jacobim Mugatu
    Hold very still. Very still. I'm working right now. This...
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  • Lady
    Ouch!
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  • Jacobim Mugatu
    Oh, I'm sorry. Did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately, or get out of my building like now! Get out! I'm so tired! No, Todd, not now!
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  • Todd
    It's Maury.
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  • Jacobim Mugatu
    Tell me something good.
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  • Maury Ballstein
    You may have to start looking for someone else.
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  • Jacobim Mugatu
    There is no one else. The show is in 10 days, Ballstein.
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  • Maury Ballstein
    Jaco, I hear you, but the kid's mixed up. He went home. He's talking about going off to ponder and tutoring underprivileged retards or some shit.
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  • Jacobim Mugatu
    I don't care what it takes. Get him back. We're running out of time. Capisce?
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  • Maury Ballstein
    Yeah, I capisce. Now if I could only ca-piss. My prostate's flaring up like a frickin' tiki torch. Give me a little pee-pee. Come on, a couple of drops. That's what I'm talking about!
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