Zoolander (2001)

It's a Walk-Off Scene 21

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 21, "It's a Walk-Off", from the film Zoolander.

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CHARACTERS IN SCENE 21

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • Matilda
    I don't want to hang out, okay? I just need to speak with Derek Zoolander, please!
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  • Some Girl
    I just thought the way you handled losing that award to Hansel, and then you sort of laid low for a while, and then made your comeback... It was so courageous.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Look, I gotta go pee, but I'd really like to continue talking about this conversation when I come back.
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  • Some Girl
    Yeah.
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  • Biff
    Everything cool, Derek?
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  • Derek Zoolander
    It's great, Biff. Thank you.
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  • Paris
    Hey, Derek. You rule.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that.
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  • Maurice
    Hey, Derek.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Hey, Maurice. Hey, my man.
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  • Unknown Man
    What's happening?
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  • Billy
    Derek, back on top, man.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Thanks, Billy. You rock.
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  • Billy
    No, you rock. When are you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Not yet. Gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.
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  • Hansel
    Excuse me, bro.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    You're excused. And I'm not your bro.
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  • Hansel
    Whatever, dude. Whatever. Peace. God bless.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Maybe next time.
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  • Hansel
    What's that?
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Sorry you didn't book it.
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  • Hansel
    Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it. Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off the southern coast of St Barts, with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit. So l guess you can Dere-lick my balls, c?pitan.
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  • Billy
    Would you hold this for me?
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  • Derek Zoolander
    I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much. You think you're too cool for school. But I got a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite.
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  • Hansel
    Who are you trying to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Hey, I got a wacky idea. What say we settle this on the runway? Han-solo? Stop it.
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  • Hansel
    Are you challenging me to a walk-off Boo-lander?
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  • Billy
    Don't do this, Derek.
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  • Hansel
    Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool dude. He's trying to help you out.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Oh, yeah. That's a walk-off challenge, my friend.
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  • Hansel
    Ten minutes. Old Members Only warehouse. You oughta remember that. You're a dinosaur. Let's go. Open up.
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  • Billy
    I heard some mad stories about this kid. He's limber. He's too limber.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Put a cork in it, Zane!
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  • Billy
    It's a walk-off. Walk-off.
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  • Matilda
    This is urgent, ma'am. Do you have any... Derek? Derek! Derek!
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Hey, Matilda.
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  • Matilda
    What is this? Where is everyone going?
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  • Rico
    Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass!
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Thanks, Rico. I'll try. You want to see the real world of male modeling? The one they don't show you in magazines or the E! channel?
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  • Matilda
    Yeah, I guess. Derek, please. I have something really important to talk to you about.
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  • Derek Zoolander
    Not now, Matilda. Han-sell-out is about to have his Han-sell-ass handed to him on a platter with french-fried potatoes.
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  • Ugly Dj
    Katinka, thought you might want to know, your boy Zoolander's rolling. It's a walk-off.
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