Wedding Crashers (2005)

Just the Tip Scene 2

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 2, "Just the Tip", from the film Wedding Crashers.

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CHARACTERS IN SCENE 2

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • Jeremy Grey
    Oh, good, you got it. Is it 100 percent goose down?
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  • Janice
    Yes.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Are you sure?
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  • Janice
    Why do you need this?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I sleep over at John's house every year for his birthday.
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  • Janice
    Okay, that's not creepy.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I guess it is a little creepy... when a young man who happens to be an only child loses both of his parents in a tragic accident one month before his birthday. And then has a best friend make a vow that he will never spend his birthday alone again. Maybe that would fall under the category of creepy.
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  • Janice
    Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    That's okay.
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  • Janice
    No, you're really sweet. I've got the perfect girl for you.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there wondering, "Do I have food on my face? Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Should I play like I'm interested? I'm not that interested. She might be interested. Do I want to be interested? Now she's not interested. So now, all of sudden, I'm starting to get interested. " When am I supposed to kiss her? Do I wait for the door? Then it's awkward. It's like, "Good night. " Do you do the ass-out hug? Where you, like, hug each other like this and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Do you kiss them on the lips? Or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult to read the situation. All the while you're wondering, "Are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?" And perhaps play a little game called Just the Tip. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or Ouch, Ouch, You're on My Hair.
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  • Janice
    Okay.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Okay, can you...? Can you put that so he can't see it? And thank you. Hey, Janice. Great talk. John?
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  • John Beckwith
    Yeah?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I gotta see you right away, it's important.
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  • John Beckwith
    What's going on?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    We got three really big weeks ahead of us. It's wedding season, kid.
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  • John Beckwith
    You sandbagging son of a bitch.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I got us down for 17 of them already.
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  • John Beckwith
    Okay, how many are cash bars?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Great question, love where your head's at, and two of them actually are. But I got us covered. Purple Hearts. We won't have to pay for a drink all night.
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  • John Beckwith
    Oh, yeah. Perfect.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    We are gonna have tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that are so aroused by marriage, they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind.
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  • John Beckwith
    Who's gonna be there to catch them?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal. What do you like better? Christmas or wedding season?
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  • John Beckwith
    Mr. Grey.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Yes, um, the answer would be... wedding season?
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  • John Beckwith
    Bingo. I'm gonna go get my suit. Oh, now, who are we this time?
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