Wedding Crashers (2005)

You Motorboating Son of a Bitch Scene 21

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 21, "You Motorboating Son of a Bitch", from the film Wedding Crashers.

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • Jeremy Grey
    John, I need to talk to you.
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  • John Beckwith
    No, not right now.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    What's wrong with you? Why you got the weird look all over your face?
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  • John Beckwith
    Claire's mom just made me grab her hooters.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Well, snap out of it! What? A hot older woman made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.
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  • John Beckwith
    I wasn't crying like a little girl.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Try getting jacked off under the table in front of the family and have some real problems. Jackass. What were they like anyway? They look pretty good. Are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? Pbbbbt. You motorboating son of a bitch. You old sailor, you. Where is she? She still in the house?
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  • John Beckwith
    What is wrong with you?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    What do you mean...? What's wrong with you?
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  • John Beckwith
    No what's wrong with you?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    No what's wrong with you? You're projecting.
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  • John Beckwith
    Drop it.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    No you drop it. You stop projecting on me. Why don't you go enjoy yourself while I go ice my balls and spit up blood.
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  • John Beckwith
    Drop it!
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  • Jeremy Grey
    "Team player. " !
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  • Grandma Mary Cleary
    Oh, Mr. President. Ahh! What do you want?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    You're in my room.
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  • Grandma Mary Cleary
    Oh, dear. I'm too drunk to walk, so carry me to my room.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Carry you? Sure.
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  • Randolph
    You banging the daughter and the grandma? How much jam you got, man?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Jam?
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  • Randolph
    Listen, man. The family dog live downstairs. I can wake him up for you if you like. His name is Snooky.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    You could not be more wrong about what just happened.
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  • Randolph
    Just be gentle with her, okay? She be pushing 90.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Jesus Christ.
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