Wedding Crashers (2005)

Midnight Rape or the Gay Art Show Scene 25

The following quotes are the direct screenplay transcript of Scene 25, "Midnight Rape or the Gay Art Show", from the film Wedding Crashers.

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CHARACTERS IN SCENE 25

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SCENE TRANSCRIPT
  • John Beckwith
    There he is. It's the big guy! Get in here. Wait till you see the spread. Anything you want.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Yeah, well, get what you want to go. Ferry leaves in 25 minutes. We gotta get out of here.
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  • John Beckwith
    Whoa, what's your problem? Have some of this stuff.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, John. I'm fried.
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  • John Beckwith
    Soft mattress?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Yeah, that could've been it. It could have been the soft mattress, or the midnight rape... or the nude, gay art show in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep.
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  • John Beckwith
    Try one of these scones, you'll love them.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone. Let's move.
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  • John Beckwith
    Will you slow down for a second? The whole eye-drop thing backfired. Okay? It didn't work. She had to leave me and go attend to him. Why are you looking at me like that?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    You're falling for this broad.
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  • John Beckwith
    No. I just met her.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Exactly. I'm gonna go.
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  • John Beckwith
    You can't go.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Watch me. Watch me take this on down the road.
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  • John Beckwith
    Look, if you leave, Gloria is gonna freak out and throw a shit fit. And it's gonna go into crisis lockdown mode here at the house.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I don't give a baker's fuck. I just had my own sock duct-taped into my mouth last night.
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  • John Beckwith
    Whoa, what?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    Yeah, the sock... that I wore around all day, playing football in, pouring sweat in was shoved into my mouth, and there was duct tape over it.
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  • John Beckwith
    Let's talk about it. I'm a good listener.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I'm not in a place to discuss what happened. Okay? I felt like Jodie Foster in The Accused last night. I'm gonna go home, see Dr. Finkelstein... and I'm gonna tell him we got a whole new bag of issues. We can forget about Mom for a while. I'm gonna go.
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  • John Beckwith
    Suit yourself. Rule number 1. Rule number 1: Never leave a fellow crasher behind.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I can't believe how selfish you are.
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  • John Beckwith
    I need you.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    A friend in need is a pest. I'll stick it out with you because you're desperate.
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  • John Beckwith
    I need the big guy.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I'll try to give you a little bit more time because somebody can't close.
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  • John Beckwith
    Fair enough.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    But if you want my help, you gotta listen. Number one: Stop being a pussy. Number two: Make a move. Number three... You know it. Could you pop the syrup for me? Just as a top off? Here's what's gonna happen, Tonto. Kimosabe's gonna have some flavor. I'm gonna choose not to eat with you.
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  • John Beckwith
    We're not eating together?
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  • Jeremy Grey
    No. I'd like to recharge my batteries, and shut down the engines... and get myself back to neutral. When the meal's over with, I will talk to you. I don't want to get into what happened last night cause' it'll only make me mad. Let's get through today, let's keep our eye on the prize, let's focus... and let's close some ass.
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  • John Beckwith
    Noted. Can I tell you something without you getting angry? I love you. Yeah, you, big guy.
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  • Jeremy Grey
    I love you too.
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