Deadpool (2016)

Top Quotes from Deadpool

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Whether that makes these lines the funniest Deadpool quotes, the most dramatic Deadpool quotes, or simply the overall most awesome Deadpool quotes, they've been guaranteed to be the best by you, the audience. Nice work!

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Best Deadpool Lines
  • Deadpool (Wade)
    I told you, we're going with the Urvaj, not the Borje. Get it through your head or get out of fuck town.
    7 people liked this quote
    From the scene I Need All the Guns

  • Weasel
    No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
    6 people liked this quote
    From the scene Disgusting Avocado

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Soft spot, remember? You even look in her general direction again... and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too. That came out wrong. Or did it?
    4 people liked this quote
    From the scene Kitty Litter

  • Weasel
    Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship... and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
    4 people liked this quote
    From the scene Disgusting Avocado

  • Weasel
    Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
    4 people liked this quote
    From the scene Disgusting Avocado

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Looks are everything. You ever heard David Beckham speak? It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on his superior acting method?
    4 people liked this quote
    From the scene Looks Are Everything

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Cock shot. Ha! Rich Corinthian leather. I'm looking for Francis! Have you seen this man? Yanky, yanky! I've never said this, but don't swallow. Shit. Did I leave the stove on?
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Polverine

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Shit. Motherfucker! 10! Shit! 9. Fuck. Eight. Shit-fuck! Bad Deadpool. Seven. Good Deadpool. Oh! Someone's not counting. Six. Oh! Four... Gotcha. Right up main street. Three, two! Stupid! Worth it. Ah! I'm touching myself tonight.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Red Suit, Brown Pants

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Kitty Litter

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    I will shoot your fucking cat!
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Kitty Litter

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    You had a dishwasher. I didn't even know sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Patron Saint of the Pitiful

  • Vanessa
    I get it. You love skee ball. Apparently more than you love vagina.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Balls in Holes

  • Vanessa
    Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Between the Holidays

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    No, no, no. Wham! Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Wham!

  • Vanessa
    You belong here at home. Surrounded by your Voltron and your Bernadette, and your me.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Wham!

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show. Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff- opening-for-the Spin-Doctors-at-the- Iowa-State-Fair shit-show. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me. Not the ghost of Christmas me.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Wham!

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Negasonic Teenage... What the shit? That's the coolest name ever! So, what, you're like, uh, his sidekick?
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... Nobody's getting hurt. That guy was already up there when I got here.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    That's his legal name. He got "Ajax" from the dish soap. F, R, A, N, C, I... Oops! Snagged the dry cleaning tag off your lab coat. FYI, I could probably get you the superhero discount.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Super-Slaves

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    I need all the guns!
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene I Need All the Guns

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Uh... Listen, Al... if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. And also, uh, there's about 116 kilos of cocaine buried somewhere in the apartment... right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene I Need All the Guns

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    I did not tell him to do that. Absolutely not. It got lost in translation. Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's heart back! I'm so proud of you. Drop Bandhu off,safe and gentle-like. Kill him. And then, win Gita back... the old fashioned way: with your boyish charm. Kidnap her.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Cocoon is Pure Pornography

  • Deadpool (Wade)
    Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas. Not often a dude ruins your face... skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama... and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments. Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
    3 people liked this quote
    From the scene Never Gonna Dance Again

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