Deadpool (2016)

Weasel
No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
From the scene Disgusting Avocado

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Weasel
Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship... and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
From the scene Disgusting Avocado

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Weasel
Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
From the scene Disgusting Avocado

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Deadpool (Wade)
I told you, we're going with the Urvaj, not the Borje. Get it through your head or get out of fuck town.
From the scene I Need All the Guns

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Deadpool (Wade)
Fellas! Hey! Hey! You only work for that shit-spackled muppet fart. So, I'mma give you a chancefor y'all to lay down your firearms... in exchange for preferential,bordering on gentle... possibly even lover-like treatment. Fine. Commando! Teabag! Bob?
From the scene Never Gonna Dance Again

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Deadpool (Wade)
Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas. Not often a dude ruins your face... skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama... and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments. Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
From the scene Never Gonna Dance Again

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Deadpool (Wade)
No, no, no. Wham! Make It Big is the album that George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
From the scene Wham!

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Deadpool (Wade)
I did not tell him to do that. Absolutely not. It got lost in translation. Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's heart back! I'm so proud of you. Drop Bandhu off,safe and gentle-like. Kill him. And then, win Gita back... the old fashioned way: with your boyish charm. Kidnap her.
From the scene Cocoon is Pure Pornography

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Deadpool (Wade)
I will shoot your fucking cat!
From the scene Kitty Litter

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Vanessa
I get it. You love skee ball. Apparently more than you love vagina.
From the scene Balls in Holes

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Deadpool (Wade)
Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?
From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

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Weasel
To you, Mr. Pool. Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise.
From the scene Disgusting Avocado

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Deadpool (Wade)
Looks are everything. You ever heard David Beckham speak? It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on his superior acting method?
From the scene Looks Are Everything

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Deadpool (Wade)
I live in a crackhouse. With a family of 12. Every night we spoon for warmth. Everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest. There's nothing that we don't share. Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
From the scene Never Gonna Dance Again

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Dopinder
And a convivial Tuesday in April to you too, Pool!
From the scene 12 Bullets

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Deadpool (Wade)
Not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me.
From the scene Kitty Litter

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Deadpool (Wade)
Soft spot, remember? You even look in her general direction again... and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too. That came out wrong. Or did it?
From the scene Kitty Litter

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Deadpool (Wade)
Now, if I were a 200-pound sack of assholes named Francis, where would I hide? Oh. A hush falls over the crowd as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson... out of Regina, Saskatchewan, lines up the shot. His form looks good. Oh! And that's why Regina rhymes with fun. Ladies and gentlemen, what you're witnessing... is sweet dick-kicking revenge. Oh! Giving him the business. Incoming! This is taking unsportsmanlike conduct to a whole new level! Looking good, Francis. Well rested. Like you've been pitching, not catching. Ringing any bells? No? How about now?
From the scene Hello, Gorgeous

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Deadpool (Wade)
Oh, there's the money shot, baby. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Rock, meet bottom. And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked... you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision. The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburgh. This? Well, this was mine.
From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

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Deadpool (Wade)
Let's recap. The cock thistle that turned me into this freak... slipped through my arms today... Arm. Catching him was my only chance to be hot again, get my super sexy ex back... and prevent this shit from happening to someone else. So, yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo. #driveby.
From the scene God I Miss Cocaine

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Deadpool (Wade)
Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss. Okay, enough. I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad!
From the scene It's Christmas Day

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Deadpool (Wade)
Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in? Anyhoo, tell me something... what situation isn't improved by pizza? Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflosky? Getting that right? Orflosky? Orlovsky? Yeah? Good. Because she knows you. Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down. And little Meghan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her... I got a soft spot.
From the scene Kitty Litter

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Deadpool (Wade)
If your left leg is Thanksgiving... and your right leg is Christmas... can I visit you between the holidays? Oh! That sweater is terrible. But red looks good on you.
From the scene Between the Holidays

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Deadpool (Wade)
You big chrome cock-gobbler!
From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

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Deadpool (Wade)
You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... Nobody's getting hurt. That guy was already up there when I got here.
From the scene Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler

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