Zoolander

Lose Five Pounds Immediately

Zoolander
About Zoolander
  • Released in 2001
  • Directed by Ben Stiller
  • Produced by Paramount Pictures
Characters in This Scene
Jacobim Mugatu
Will Ferrell
Lady
Todd
Nathan Lee Graham
Maury Ballstein
Jerry Stiller
Lose Five Pounds Immediately Full Transcript
Jacobim Mugatu
Hold very still. Very still. I'm working right now. This...
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Lady
Ouch!
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Jacobim Mugatu
Oh, I'm sorry. Did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately, or get out of my building like now! Get out! I'm so tired! No, Todd, not now!
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Todd
It's Maury.
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Jacobim Mugatu
Tell me something good.
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Maury Ballstein
You may have to start looking for someone else.
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Jacobim Mugatu
There is no one else. The show is in 10 days, Ballstein.
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Maury Ballstein
Jaco, I hear you, but the kid's mixed up. He went home. He's talking about going off to ponder and tutoring underprivileged retards or some shit.
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Jacobim Mugatu
I don't care what it takes. Get him back. We're running out of time. Capisce?
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Maury Ballstein
Yeah, I capisce. Now if I could only ca-piss. My prostate's flaring up like a frickin' tiki torch. Give me a little pee-pee. Come on, a couple of drops. That's what I'm talking about!
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