Wedding Crashers

You Shut Your Mouth

Wedding Crashers
About Wedding Crashers
  • Released in 2005
  • Directed by David Dobkin
  • Produced by New Line Cinema
Characters in This Scene
Mr. Kroeger
Dwight Yoakam
Mrs. Kroeger
Rebecca De Mornay
Ken
Jeremy Grey
Vince Vaughn
John Beckwith
Owen Wilson
You Shut Your Mouth Full Transcript
Mr. Kroeger
I don't have custody of the kids I don't get custody.
  • 12
Mrs. Kroeger
It is pathetic what I've had to go through
  • 2
Mr. Kroeger
Right now, she doesn't know where the kids are.
  • 0
Mrs. Kroeger
Do not talk about me as a mother
  • 1
Mr. Kroeger
Are they home?
  • 0
Mrs. Kroeger
I'm so sick to death of you talking about me as a mother.
  • 2
Mr. Kroeger
They're probably at a firehouse somewhere
  • 1
Mrs. Kroeger
Do not talk about that. I'm sick of you accusing me of not being a good mother.
  • 2
Mr. Kroeger
Are they home?
  • 2
Mrs. Kroeger
7 years I've been a good mother!
  • 0
Mr. Kroeger
A perfect mother? I can't have custody.
  • 1
Mrs. Kroeger
Just remember how you...
  • 2
Mr. Kroeger
Right now. Where is Tim right now?
  • 1
Mrs. Kroeger
Don't you talk about me being a mother. I hate you!
  • 3
Mr. Kroeger
Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just kiss my left nut?
  • 3
Ken
I told you this was a bad idea.
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
You know what, Ken? A bad idea would be to let your client walk out of here today and drag this thing out for another year, wasting more time and more money. The only good idea is to let me and John do our job and mediate this thing right here.
  • 2
John Beckwith
You wanna hear the crazy thing? I know it doesn't feel like it, but we're making progress. We settled the deal with the cars. That takes us to frequent-flyer miles. We're flying.
  • 3
Mr. Kroeger
Those are mine.
  • 3
Mrs. Kroeger
I want them.
  • 2
John Beckwith
You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna split them right down the middle. How'd that be, Mr. Kroeger?
  • 1
Mr. Kroeger
It would be not good at all. I earned those miles.
  • 2
Mrs. Kroeger
Yeah, you earned them flying to Denver to meet your whore.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Oh, Lord.
  • 1
Mr. Kroeger
Well, she's not afraid to express herself sexually. That's what she means.
  • 1
Mrs. Kroeger
She is a stripper, for God's sake!
  • 1
Mr. Kroeger
She is not.
  • 0
Mrs. Kroeger
Her name is Chastity. She is white trash. Same as you. Hillbilly.
  • 5
Mr. Kroeger
That's it, go comatose for me, baby.
  • 1
Mrs. Kroeger
You shut your mouth when you're talking to me.
  • 5
John Beckwith
Hold it. This is getting confusing. You didn't always hate each other. There had to be nice moments, during the courtship, maybe? Or the wedding?
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
The wedding had to be fun. You have your families.
  • 5
John Beckwith
Your decorations. Families coming together. That's a nice moment. What'd you have to eat?
  • 0
Mrs. Kroeger
Crab cakes.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
Are you kidding me? How could you not have a good time? I love them. They're phenomenal.
  • 4
John Beckwith
And did you have a band?
  • 5
Mrs. Kroeger
Yeah.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Good or bad?
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
Who gives a shit? It's a great band, a bad band, it's like pizza, baby. It's good no matter what. There's music in the air!
  • 3
John Beckwith
You get them playing "Shout" and you hate it.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
Yeah! Woah-Oh-Woah-Oh! Shout now! Jump up and shout now! It's a good time, know what I mean? Rubbing up against each other, a couple of kids who like to fuck trying to make it honest. I get it. Guys, the real enemy here is the institution of marriage. It's not realistic, it's crazy. Don't do this for the other person. It's about saying yes to yourself and your future.
  • 6
John Beckwith
Say yes.
  • 8
Jeremy Grey
Have some opportunities for yourself. I'm sure you'd love to be free... maybe go out and meet some Latin guy that can dance. Grind up on you, make you feel dangerous but also safe. And how about you? Don't you wanna get inside Chastity without wondering if anyone's gonna find out?
  • 3
Mr. Kroeger
Wouldn't that be sweet?
  • 5
Jeremy Grey
Wouldn't that be nice? And have some Latin guy sweating all over you talking to you in languages you don't understand needing you, wanting you, taking you?
  • 6
John Beckwith
All we're trying to say is... put your swords away for a second. Let's finish this and let's move on.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
Get out there and get some strange ass.
  • 8
Mr. Kroeger
Could you give her a glass of water so she can take that?
  • 4
Jeremy Grey
Hey, John, that's weird. That glass looks half full to me.
  • 9
John Beckwith
Wow, now that you mention it, it is half full.
  • 4
Mrs. Kroeger
He can have the miles.
  • 4
Mr. Kroeger
No, sweetie, you take the miles.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Great. Great! Let's sign the paperwork and we are done.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
This is just semantics. You guys wanna throw a couple miles at us... we'll take a couple. The big thing is that we're all moving on.
  • 3
Mr. Kroeger
Could you two just not talk anymore?
  • 1