Wedding Crashers

That Was My First Asian

Wedding Crashers
About Wedding Crashers
  • Released in 2005
  • Directed by David Dobkin
  • Produced by New Line Cinema
Characters in This Scene
Claire Cleary
Rachel McAdams
John Beckwith
Owen Wilson
Sack Lodge
Bradley Cooper
Some Kid
Jeremy Grey
Vince Vaughn
Gloria Cleary
Isla Fisher
Secretary Cleary
Christopher Walken
That Was My First Asian Full Transcript
Claire Cleary
You totally saved me.
  • 2
John Beckwith
No.
  • 4
Claire Cleary
Yes.
  • 2
Sack Lodge
Claire, come on. Come on. Oh, baby, you were awesome.
  • 2
Claire Cleary
No.
  • 2
Sack Lodge
Listen to me, awesome.
  • 2
Claire Cleary
Okay. John, this is my boyfriend, Sack.
  • 2
Sack Lodge
Hey, fella.
  • 3
John Beckwith
How you doing?
  • 1
Sack Lodge
Listen, we gotta go meet the Schreibers.
  • 1
Claire Cleary
Okay. It was great to meet you. Thank you.
  • 1
Sack Lodge
Boom, I gotcha.
  • 1
Claire Cleary
How you doing?
  • 2
Some Kid
Oh, great. Good to see you.
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
I gotta get out of here, pronto. I got a Stage 5 clinger.
  • 4
John Beckwith
No, no, I need more time.
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
Did you hear what I just said to you? Stage 5? Virgin? Clinger? Let's go, I'm gonna start the car. I'm serious, let's go. I don't think you appreciate the urgency. Not only is she a virgin, she's totally off the reservation. I'm terrified of this broad.
  • 0
Gloria Cleary
There you are.
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
Hey, Gloria, wow. What a coincidence, I was just singing your praises. This is John Ryan.
  • 2
Gloria Cleary
Oh, hi.
  • 3
John Beckwith
Yeah.
  • 8
Gloria Cleary
My family and a few friends, we're all going back to our place on the shore... and it would be so great if you guys came.
  • 4
John Beckwith
Really? Sounds sort of wonderful.
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
I am... Well, it does, it sounds very nice. And I'm flattered that you would think of me Gloria to include me in something like that. Thank you. It kills me however to have to tell you I'm sorry, I just... Timing's no good. I can't make it.
  • 7
John Beckwith
Why?
  • 3
Gloria Cleary
It's gonna be so much fun.
  • 3
John Beckwith
It's gonna be so much fun.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
I'm sure it will be fun for the people that are going. I unfortunately can't go. I don't have... I only have this small piece. I don't have any clothes.
  • 2
Gloria Cleary
Well, we have everything you need.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Problem solved. Problem solved.
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
The problem's not solved.
  • 0
John Beckwith
Deal us in.
  • 3
Gloria Cleary
Oh, cool, cool, cool. I'm gonna run and find my dad.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
No no no! Don't ask your dad. Don't ask your...
  • 6
John Beckwith
The train's going. We gotta get on.
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
Why not just feed me to the lions?
  • 5
John Beckwith
What?
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
Step on my head when I'm drowning.
  • 4
John Beckwith
What a great friend?
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
What do you mean, what? John, this is completely against the rules. You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. There's no overtime.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Oh, no overtime?
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
No.
  • 2
John Beckwith
What about the Chang wedding three years ago?
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
Oh, that's bullshit.
  • 3
John Beckwith
Yeah, thought I forgot about that. Two a. m., you dragged me 50 miles to watch you and some chick play mahjong with her grandmother at a retirement home.
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
Yeah, completely different situation.
  • 4
John Beckwith
How?
  • 0
Jeremy Grey
What do you mean, how? She was a very, very family-oriented girl. She was very into her grandmother.
  • 1
John Beckwith
Give me a break.
  • 1
Jeremy Grey
That was my first Asian!
  • 5
John Beckwith
You better lock it up.
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
You better lock it up.
  • 3
John Beckwith
No, you lock it up.
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
You lock it up.
  • 4
John Beckwith
Lock it up.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
Lock it up.
  • 2
Gloria Cleary
Please. It would mean so much to me. Please.
  • 4
Jeremy Grey
Look at the way he's looking at me. I can tell he doesn't like me. He's the secretary of the treasury. To be honest with you, my taxes aren't exactly in line.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Oh come on! You're being paranoid.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
He's threatened by the way I dance. Damn it. Why'd I have to go showing off like that? Now I'm all over his radar. Stupid.
  • 2
John Beckwith
You're not that good a dancer.
  • 4
Jeremy Grey
Oh, please. You and I both know I'm a phenomenal dancer. Now I know you're lying. You'll do anything to get me to go... even if I have to walk right into the lion's den.
  • 2
Secretary Cleary
Gloria, come on! You know I'm not gonna give in to this kind of behavior.
  • 0
Jeremy Grey
She's like a kid at Toys "R" Us. I can't be around it.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Oh, get off your high horse. Stop judging people.
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
You take off the white wig and you stop judging me. I don't want to be around someone who's a nut job.
  • 2
John Beckwith
I need alone time with her.
  • 4
Jeremy Grey
You wanna hang out with Claire... the boyfriend and Sybil, by all means. I'm not going.
  • 3
John Beckwith
I'll lay it out for you in simple chapter and verse: You're going.
  • 4
Jeremy Grey
Let me break it down for you so you'll understand, I'll hold your hand like a small child: I'm not going.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Yes you are.
  • 0
Jeremy Grey
You can go if you want.
  • 2
John Beckwith
You're gonna be a team player.
  • 2
Jeremy Grey
No, I'm not.
  • 1
Gloria Cleary
He'd love you to come.
  • 2
John Beckwith
Yes. Yes! Baba ganoush!
  • 3
Jeremy Grey
Well...
  • 2
Gloria Cleary
Baba ganou!
  • 3