Characters in This Scene
Deadpool (Wade)
Ryan Reynolds
Weasel
T. J. Miller
Agent Smith
Jed Rees
Three Shots of Patron Full Transcript
Deadpool (Wade)
I love you.
Weasel
Wade.
Deadpool (Wade)
Weas.
Weasel
You look like you need a Blow Job and a shower. Though courtesy calls for the latter first.
Deadpool (Wade)
How about three shots of Patron?
Weasel
Or how about Triticum aestivum, wheatgrass. Excellent for the immune system.
Deadpool (Wade)
Jesus Christ. You sound like Vanessa. Here, check it out. She's sending away for all these I'm sure they're all FDA approved. Chechnya. Isn't that where you go to get cancer? You got China and Central Mexico. You know how they say "cancer" in Spanish?
Weasel
No.
Deadpool (Wade)
El Cancer.
Weasel
Oh. I could have guessed that. Look how happy you look here. Mind if I keep this? Put it up, so I can remember when you looked alive. At least now I'm gonna win the dead pool. Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
Deadpool (Wade)
I got it, Weas. Thanks.
Weasel
Oh. And, uh, that guy over there came in looking for you. Real Grim Reaper type. I don't know. Might further the plot.
Deadpool (Wade)
Boothe.
Boothe
Wade.
Agent Smith
Mr. Wilson.
Deadpool (Wade)
How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van.
Agent Smith
I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
Deadpool (Wade)
Stalker alert.
Agent Smith
It's my job. Recruitment. I'm sorry you've had such a tough go. But you're a fighter. Special Forces. 41 confirmed kills.
Deadpool (Wade)
One every seven weeks. Same rate most folks get a haircut. Hmm... It's to wash the taste out. It's tough to forget being so impressive.
Agent Smith
And now you spend your days sticking up for the little people...
Deadpool (Wade)
People change. What do you want?
Agent Smith
I represent an organization that may be able to help. What if I told you we can cure your cancer? And what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of?
Deadpool (Wade)
I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y.
Agent Smith
The world needs extraordinary soldiers. We won't just make you better. We will make you better than better. A superhero.
Deadpool (Wade)
Look, Agent Smith, I tried the hero business and it left a mark. But if I ever hit "fuck it," I'll look you up. Oh, um... Shit. We're within 500 yards of a school, so you may wanna... His drink's on him.
Weasel
What did he say?