Characters in This Scene
Deadpool (Wade)
Ryan Reynolds
Colossus
Stefan Kapicic
Negasonic
Brianna Hildebrand
Big Chrome Cock-Gobbler Full Transcript
Deadpool (Wade)
Okay. Let's pro-con this superhero thing. Ow. Pro: They pull down a gaggle of ass. Local dry cleaning discounts. Lucrative film deals, both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies. Con: They're all lame-ass teacher's pets.
Colossus
You know, I can hear you.
Deadpool (Wade)
I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
Colossus
Stay right here. You've been warned before, Deadpool. You will both be coming with us.
Deadpool (Wade)
Look, Colossus, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now! And you are?
Negasonic
Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Deadpool (Wade)
Negasonic Teenage... What the shit? That's the coolest name ever! So, what, you're like, uh, his sidekick?
Colossus
No. Trainee.
Deadpool (Wade)
Let me guess. X-Men left you behind on what? Shit detail?
Negasonic
What does that make you?
Deadpool (Wade)
Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Can we trade names?
Negasonic
Can we go?
Deadpool (Wade)
Look! I'm a teenage girl. I'd rather be anywhere than here. I'm all about long sullen silences... followed by mean comments, followed by more silences. So what's it gonna be, huh? Long sullen silence... or mean comment? Go on.
Negasonic
You got me in a box here.
Deadpool (Wade)
Aha!
Colossus
We can't allow this, Deadpool. Please, come quietly.
Deadpool (Wade)
You big chrome cock-gobbler!
Colossus
That's not nice.
Deadpool (Wade)
You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides... Nobody's getting hurt. That guy was already up there when I got here.
Colossus
Wade, you are better than this. Join us. Use your powers for good.
Deadpool (Wade)
Heads up.
Colossus
Be a superhero.
Deadpool (Wade)
Listen! The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler... who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland mansion... of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day... I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request. But until then, I'mma do what I came here to do. Either that or slap the bitch outta you!
Colossus
Wade...
Negasonic
Hey.
Deadpool (Wade)
Zip it, Sinead!
Negasonic
Hey, douche-pool!
Deadpool (Wade)
And I hope you're watching...
Colossus
Quite unfortunate.
Deadpool (Wade)
That does it! Oh! Canada! That's not good.
Colossus
Wade, please.
Deadpool (Wade)
Cock shot! Oh, your poor wife.
Colossus
You really should stop.
Deadpool (Wade)
All the dinosaurs feared the T. rex. I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!
Colossus
This is embarrassing. Please, stay down.
Deadpool (Wade)
You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?
Colossus
Do you have off switch?
Deadpool (Wade)
Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?
Colossus
Enough! Let us go talk to the Professor.
Deadpool (Wade)
McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines are so confusing. "Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"
Colossus
You will recover, Wade. You always do.
Deadpool (Wade)
You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert.
Negasonic
Oh, my God. Nasty.
Deadpool (Wade)
Oh, there's the money shot, baby. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. Rock, meet bottom. And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked... you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision. The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburgh. This? Well, this was mine.