Characters in This Scene
Deadpool (Wade)
Ryan Reynolds
Negasonic
Brianna Hildebrand
Ajax (Francis)
Ed Skrein
Colossus
Stefan Kapicic
Angel
Gina Carano
Bob
Vanessa
Morena Baccarin
Never Gonna Dance Again Full Transcript
Deadpool (Wade)
Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas. Not often a dude ruins your face... skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama... and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments. Let's just say it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Negasonic
Hey. Where's your duffle bag?
Deadpool (Wade)
God damn it! I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way... with two swords and maximum effort. Cue the music.
Ajax (Francis)
Wade Wilson! What's my name?
Deadpool (Wade)
Oh, I'mma fuckin' spell it out for ya.
Ajax (Francis)
Go get some.
Deadpool (Wade)
Superhero landing. She's gonna do a superhero landing. Wait for it. Whoo! Superhero landing! You know, that's really hard on your knees. Totally impractical. They all do it. You're a lovely lady, but I'm saving myself for Francis. That's why I brought him.
Colossus
I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...
Deadpool (Wade)
I mean, that's why I brought her? Oh, no, finish your tweet. It's not... That's... Just give us a second. Yeah. There you go. Hashtag it. Go get her, tiger. Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
Angel
All right, then. Fire!
Deadpool (Wade)
Finish fucking her the fuck up!
Colossus
Language, please.
Deadpool (Wade)
Suck a cock. Look away, child. Look away! Wait! Wait!
Gunmen Leader
Cease fire!
Deadpool (Wade)
Fellas! Hey! Hey! You only work for that shit-spackled muppet fart. So, I'mma give you a chancefor y'all to lay down your firearms... in exchange for preferential,bordering on gentle... possibly even lover-like treatment. Fine. Commando! Teabag! Bob?
Bob
Wade?
Deadpool (Wade)
Oh, my God, I haven't seen you since...
Bob
Jacksonville. Fridays.
Deadpool (Wade)
Since TGI Fridays. Well, what the hell! God, come here, you. How are the kids? Good? And Gail, she still fixing that tuna casserole? So good. But bad for the waistline, if you know what I'm talking about.
Colossus
Oh! Your... On the left. You are beautiful woman.
Angel
That is so sweet.
Colossus
Uh...
Angel
Thanks.
Deadpool (Wade)
Yoo-hoo!
Ajax (Francis)
Does he write you notes too? He's such a romantic.
Deadpool (Wade)
Don't worry, baby. I'm comin'.
Ajax (Francis)
Fire!
Negasonic
Hey! Climb on!
Deadpool (Wade)
Motherfucking... Motherfucker should have worn his brown pants. You were right, beautiful. Red really is my color.
Vanessa
Wade?
Deadpool (Wade)
Don't worry, baby... I'mma get you out of that shit-box.
Ajax (Francis)
What better way to crawl back inside that head of yours?
Deadpool (Wade)
Oh, you never left.
Vanessa
But you did, asshole!
Ajax (Francis)
Ah, deep breath, darling. Oh, wait. Wrong choice of words.
Deadpool (Wade)
I hope they blocked pain to your every last nerve. 'Cause I'mma go lookin'!
Ajax (Francis)
I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade. When I'm finished... parts will have to grow back you.
Deadpool (Wade)
Good one. Yep, that was a good one. Let's dance. And by dance, I mean... let's try to kill each other.
Ajax (Francis)
Fine. Fists.
Deadpool (Wade)
Oh, sounds like your last Saturday night.
Vanessa
Asshole!
Deadpool (Wade)
Hang in there,baby!
Vanessa
Wade!
Deadpool (Wade)
I gotcha! I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
Vanessa
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Deadpool (Wade)
Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this. Ah! Damn it! Maximum effort!
Vanessa
Thanks.
Colossus
Just take it slow.
Deadpool (Wade)
Yoo-hoo! Oh, my God! That was so...
Ajax (Francis)
There are no words!
Deadpool (Wade)
Me and you are headedto fix this butterface.
Ajax (Francis)
What? You stupid fucking idiot. Did you really think there was a cure... for that?
Deadpool (Wade)
What?
Ajax (Francis)
You heard me.
Deadpool (Wade)
No. No! So, you mean to say... after all this, you can't fix me?
Ajax (Francis)
It sounds even stupider when you say it.
Deadpool (Wade)
Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for? Any last words?
Ajax (Francis)
What's my name?
Deadpool (Wade)
Who fucking cares?
Colossus
Wade! Four or five moments.
Deadpool (Wade)
I'm sorry?
Colossus
Four or five moments, that's all it takes.
Deadpool (Wade)
To?
Colossus
Be a hero. Everyone thinks it's a full-time job. Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you're offered a choice. To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend... spare an enemy. In these moments... everything else falls away. The way the world sees us. The way we... Why?
Deadpool (Wade)
You were droning on. Sure, I may be stuck looking like pepperoni flatbread... but at least fuckface won't heal from that. If wearing superhero tights... means sparing psychopaths... then maybe I wasn't meant to wear 'em. Not everyone monitors a hall like you.
Colossus
Just promise...
Deadpool (Wade)
Yeah, yeah, I'll be on the lookout for the next four moments. Oh, shit. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just a boy, about to stand in front of a girl... and tell her... What the fuck am I gonna tell her?
Colossus
Well, hmm, you better figure it out.
Deadpool (Wade)
I can't even tell you... I deserved that. That, too. No, no, no, maybe not the nethers.
Vanessa
Start talking!
Deadpool (Wade)
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything, I'm sorry for leaving... I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner. It's been rough couple of years.
Vanessa
Rough?
Deadpool (Wade)
I live in a crackhouse. With a family of 12. Every night we spoon for warmth. Everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest. There's nothing that we don't share. Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
Vanessa
So, you live in a house.
Deadpool (Wade)
I should have come and found you sooner. But, baby, the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember.
Vanessa
You mean this mask?
Deadpool (Wade)
And this one. In case the other fell off. All right. Yeah, just... Ow. Like a Band-Aid, just give it a... Owdie 5,000. Wait, wait, wait... Are you sure?
Vanessa
I'm sure. Wow.
Deadpool (Wade)
Yeah.
Vanessa
Hey. After a brief adjustment period... and a bunch of drinks... it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.
Deadpool (Wade)
I'm not the same underneath this suit, either. No. Super-penis.
Colossus
Come on, Wade. Language.
Deadpool (Wade)
Young one is present. What are you still doing? Get out of here.Go make yourself useful! You, go be a really big brother to someone. Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn. And you,chicken noodle... Nothing compares to you. Sinead O'Connor, 1990.Sorry.
Negasonic
That's all right. You're cool.
Deadpool (Wade)
What in the ass? That was not mean. I'm proud of you!
Colossus
We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade.
Deadpool (Wade)
For a second there, it felt like we werethree mini-lion robots... coming together to formone super robot.
Negasonic
There's a stupid.
Deadpool (Wade)
Yeah. And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for.
Vanessa
Come here.
Deadpool (Wade)
Wham! As promised.
Deadpool (Wade)
See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you. Now, let's finish this epic wide shot. Pull out. There we go, that looks nice. That's gonna be about the only thing that's pulling out tonight. Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh? 'Til next time, this is your friendly neighborhood pool guy singin'... I'm never gonna dance again The way I danced with you...