Deadpool

Kitty Litter

Deadpool
About Deadpool
  • Released in 2016
  • Directed by Tim Miller
  • Produced by 20th Century Fox
Characters in This Scene
Jeremy
Style Dayne
Apartment Owner
Deadpool (Wade)
Ryan Reynolds
Kitty Litter Full Transcript
Jeremy
Look, would it help if I slow it down for you?
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Apartment Owner
I didn't order the pizza.
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Jeremy
Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive? Are you Mr. Merchant?
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Apartment Owner
Yeah, the Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
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Jeremy
Then who placed the call?
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Deadpool (Wade)
I did! Pineapple and olive? Sweet and salty.
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Apartment Owner
The fuck are you? The fuck you doing in my crib...
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Deadpool (Wade)
Is it burnt crust?
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Jeremy
I... God, I hope not.
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Apartment Owner
Um... Whoa... Man, look, if this is about that poker game. I told Howie, I told him that... Okay, uh, look, just take whatever you want.
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Deadpool (Wade)
Thanks.
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Jeremy
Sir, before you do anything to him, do you mind if I get a big tip?
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Deadpool (Wade)
Uh, Jeremy, is it?
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Jeremy
Umm-hmm.
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Deadpool (Wade)
Wade. Wade Wilson. That is a no go on the tiperoo, Jer. I'm not here for him. I'm here for you.
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Apartment Owner
Oh. Okay, wow, dodged a big-time bullet on that one.
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Deadpool (Wade)
Not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me.
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Apartment Owner
Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card...
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Deadpool (Wade)
I will shoot your fucking cat!
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Apartment Owner
I don't really know what that means. I don't have a cat.
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Deadpool (Wade)
Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in? Anyhoo, tell me something... what situation isn't improved by pizza? Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflosky? Getting that right? Orflosky? Orlovsky? Yeah? Good. Because she knows you. Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down. And little Meghan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her... I got a soft spot.
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Jeremy
But I'm a...
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Deadpool (Wade)
A stalker. Threats hurt, Jer. Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel. So keep away from Meghan. Cool?
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Jeremy
Yes, sir.
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Deadpool (Wade)
Then we're done.
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Jeremy
Wait. We are?
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Deadpool (Wade)
Yeah. We're totally done. You should've seen your face.
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Apartment Owner
I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
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Deadpool (Wade)
Soft spot, remember? You even look in her general direction again... and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too. That came out wrong. Or did it?
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