Characters in This Scene
Jeremy
Style Dayne
Deadpool (Wade)
Ryan Reynolds
Kitty Litter Full Transcript
Jeremy
Look, would it help if I slow it down for you?
Apartment Owner
I didn't order the pizza.
Jeremy
Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive? Are you Mr. Merchant?
Apartment Owner
Yeah, the Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
Jeremy
Then who placed the call?
Deadpool (Wade)
I did! Pineapple and olive? Sweet and salty.
Apartment Owner
The fuck are you? The fuck you doing in my crib...
Deadpool (Wade)
Is it burnt crust?
Jeremy
I... God, I hope not.
Apartment Owner
Um... Whoa... Man, look, if this is about that poker game. I told Howie, I told him that... Okay, uh, look, just take whatever you want.
Deadpool (Wade)
Thanks.
Jeremy
Sir, before you do anything to him, do you mind if I get a big tip?
Deadpool (Wade)
Uh, Jeremy, is it?
Jeremy
Umm-hmm.
Deadpool (Wade)
Wade. Wade Wilson. That is a no go on the tiperoo, Jer. I'm not here for him. I'm here for you.
Apartment Owner
Oh. Okay, wow, dodged a big-time bullet on that one.
Deadpool (Wade)
Not out of the woods yet. You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. They're jeans, not a chandelier. P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me.
Apartment Owner
Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card...
Deadpool (Wade)
I will shoot your fucking cat!
Apartment Owner
I don't really know what that means. I don't have a cat.
Deadpool (Wade)
Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in? Anyhoo, tell me something... what situation isn't improved by pizza? Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflosky? Getting that right? Orflosky? Orlovsky? Yeah? Good. Because she knows you. Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys who take a dime to beat a fella down. And little Meghan, she's not made of money, but lucky for her... I got a soft spot.
Jeremy
But I'm a...
Deadpool (Wade)
A stalker. Threats hurt, Jer. Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel. So keep away from Meghan. Cool?
Jeremy
Yes, sir.
Deadpool (Wade)
Then we're done.
Jeremy
Wait. We are?
Deadpool (Wade)
Yeah. We're totally done. You should've seen your face.
Apartment Owner
I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
Deadpool (Wade)
Soft spot, remember? You even look in her general direction again... and you will learn in the worst of ways that I have some hard spots too. That came out wrong. Or did it?