Characters in This Scene
Jacobim Mugatu
Will Ferrell
Evil Plotting Designers Full Transcript
Reporter
And here in Malaysia, there is an almost overwhelming sense of euphoria, as the newly-elected prime minister has given this impoverished nation the gift of hope, promising to raise the substandard minimum wage and end child labor once and for all. Already considered a living saint, he has become this small country's greatest hope, for a thriving future in the new millennium.
Giorgio
Get closer, Jaco. This is disgusting. How could you let this happen?
Jacobim Mugatu
I have negotiated my butt off, Giorgio. I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts. I even sent him some pet oxen. I mean, they love that crap in Malaysia, but he won't budge.
Unknown Woman
Listen, 50% of my inventory is manufactured in sweatshops on the Malaysian border. Something has got to be done.
Unknown Man
If Malaysia goes, what is next? My entire panty line is made in Vietnam.
Giorgio
We'll all go bankrupt within a year. The Malaysian must be eliminated, Mugatu.
Jacobim Mugatu
What? No, I don't have time for this.
Unknown Woman
Perhaps you'd rather go back to turning out novelty neckties in Hackensack.
Jacobim Mugatu
But my new fall line is almost due.
Unknown Man
And I trust you would like to live to see your spring line, as well?
Giorgio
The Malaysian prime minister visits New York in 14 days. Do it then.
Jacobim Mugatu
Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week. It's impossible! I have a show!
Unknown Man
It's perfect. Invite him to be your guest of honor.
Jacobim Mugatu
That's not enough time. It takes months to train an operative.
Unknown Man
What about Fabio?
Unknown Woman
Too smart. This is a rush job. He's got to be extremely dim-witted.
Giorgio
You know the profile, Jacobim.
Unknown Woman
A beautiful, self-absorbed, simpleton who can be manipulated and molded like Jell-O.
Unknown Man
Or cookie dough.
Giorgio
Or Play-Doh.
Unknown Woman
Any kind of dough.
Unknown Man
The point is, we need an empty vessel, a shallow, dumb, vacuous moron.
Giorgio
And when he's finished, we'll dispose of him.
Giorgio
But who?
Jacobim Mugatu
I mean, where in all of God's green goodness, am I gonna find someone that beef-headed?