Characters in This Scene
Matilda
Christine Taylor
Derek Zoolander
Ben Stiller
Hansel
Owen Wilson
It's a Walk-Off Full Transcript
Matilda
I don't want to hang out, okay? I just need to speak with Derek Zoolander, please!
Some Girl
I just thought the way you handled losing that award to Hansel, and then you sort of laid low for a while, and then made your comeback... It was so courageous.
Derek Zoolander
Look, I gotta go pee, but I'd really like to continue talking about this conversation when I come back.
Some Girl
Yeah.
Biff
Everything cool, Derek?
Derek Zoolander
It's great, Biff. Thank you.
Paris
Hey, Derek. You rule.
Derek Zoolander
Thanks, Paris. I appreciate that.
Maurice
Hey, Derek.
Derek Zoolander
Hey, Maurice. Hey, my man.
Unknown Man
What's happening?
Billy
Derek, back on top, man.
Derek Zoolander
Thanks, Billy. You rock.
Billy
No, you rock. When are you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy?
Derek Zoolander
Not yet. Gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.
Hansel
Excuse me, bro.
Derek Zoolander
You're excused. And I'm not your bro.
Hansel
Whatever, dude. Whatever. Peace. God bless.
Derek Zoolander
Hey, Hansel, I'm sorry you didn't get Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Maybe next time.
Hansel
What's that?
Derek Zoolander
Mugatu's Derelicte campaign. Sorry you didn't book it.
Hansel
Oh, yeah? I've never even heard of it. Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off the southern coast of St Barts, with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit. So l guess you can Dere-lick my balls, c?pitan.
Billy
Would you hold this for me?
Derek Zoolander
I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much. You think you're too cool for school. But I got a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite.
Hansel
Who are you trying to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?
Derek Zoolander
Hey, I got a wacky idea. What say we settle this on the runway? Han-solo? Stop it.
Hansel
Are you challenging me to a walk-off Boo-lander?
Billy
Don't do this, Derek.
Hansel
Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He's a cool dude. He's trying to help you out.
Derek Zoolander
Oh, yeah. That's a walk-off challenge, my friend.
Hansel
Ten minutes. Old Members Only warehouse. You oughta remember that. You're a dinosaur. Let's go. Open up.
Billy
I heard some mad stories about this kid. He's limber. He's too limber.
Derek Zoolander
Put a cork in it, Zane!
Billy
It's a walk-off. Walk-off.
Matilda
This is urgent, ma'am. Do you have any... Derek? Derek! Derek!
Derek Zoolander
Hey, Matilda.
Matilda
What is this? Where is everyone going?
Rico
Good luck, Derek! Kick Hansel's ass!
Derek Zoolander
Thanks, Rico. I'll try. You want to see the real world of male modeling? The one they don't show you in magazines or the E! channel?
Matilda
Yeah, I guess. Derek, please. I have something really important to talk to you about.
Derek Zoolander
Not now, Matilda. Han-sell-out is about to have his Han-sell-ass handed to him on a platter with french-fried potatoes.
Ugly Dj
Katinka, thought you might want to know, your boy Zoolander's rolling. It's a walk-off.