Characters in This Scene
Hansel
Owen Wilson
Derek Zoolander
Ben Stiller
Matilda
Christine Taylor
Katinka
Milla Jovovich
You Call That Love Full Transcript
Hansel
So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius, when suddenly I slip and I start to fall. I mean, I'm about to die. Hot bread, Zeke. Just falling. I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I remember, "Holy shit. Hansel, "haven't you been smoking peyote for six straight days? "And couldn't some of this, maybe, be in your mind?"
Derek Zoolander
And?
Hansel
It was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
Olaf
Cool story, Hansel.
Hansel
Thanks, Olaf. Dude, how dope was last night? I mean, the soil room. Dirt was flying. You couldn't see anything. It was like, who's that? Who's this?
Derek Zoolander
I think I'm falling for Matilda, Hansel.
Hansel
Dude, I wasn't gonna say anything, but it was crazy energy flying back and forth between you guys. It was like, look out!
Derek Zoolander
There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesman...
Hansel
Yeah.
Derek Zoolander
...where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman."
Hansel
Really?
Derek Zoolander
What do you call that?
Hansel
l think you call that love, D-Bone.
Matilda
Hey!
Derek Zoolander
Hey!
Matilda
So what time is it?
Derek Zoolander
Almost 5:00.
Matilda
What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...
Hansel
Easy. How about a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night"?
Derek Zoolander
Hello?
Katinka
Hello?
Derek Zoolander
Hi, Katinka. No, I just had a really late party night last night. Where am I?
Matilda
Derek, hang up the phone now!
Derek Zoolander
Look, I have to go!
Matilda
Hang up!
Derek Zoolander
But I'll see you at 7:00. Okay, bye.
Matilda
Derek, I thought I told you to turn off your phone.
Derek Zoolander
Turn off my phone? Turn off my phone?
Matilda
Yeah.
Derek Zoolander
Earth to Matilda. This phone is as much a part of me as...
Matilda
You know what? Can we just cut it out with all the "Earth to's", please?
Hansel
We're not actually saying this is the Earth calling you, Matilda.
Matilda
Yeah. No, I got that. I understand you don't literally mean...
Derek Zoolander
Uhh, No, I don't think you do. Listen. It's not like we think that we're actually in a control tower, trying to reach outer space aliens or something, okay?
Hansel
Hello.
Derek Zoolander
Oh, snap!
Hansel
A joke.
Matilda
Okay, you know what? Instead of doing that, I'm gonna try to figure out a way into Maury's, before Derek assassinates a world leader.
Derek Zoolander
Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's, right? But they won't be looking for... Not us.
Matilda
Derek, what are you talking about?
Derek Zoolander
Hansel, do you have a cosmetics case?
Hansel
Sure, I mean, just for touch-ups or whatever.
Matilda
What are you gonna do with that?
Derek Zoolander
That'll do. Early in my career, I used to do my own makeup styling and tailoring. If I can create a basic disguise for us, we may just be able to sneak into Maury's, undetected.
Hansel
You is talkin' loco and I like it.