Zoolander

Computer Monkeys

Zoolander
About Zoolander
  • Released in 2001
  • Directed by Ben Stiller
  • Produced by Paramount Pictures
Characters in This Scene
Announcer
Hansel
Owen Wilson
Matilda
Christine Taylor
Derek Zoolander
Ben Stiller
Archie
Jacobim Mugatu
Will Ferrell
Katinka
Milla Jovovich
Reporter
Computer Monkeys Full Transcript
Announcer
Welcome to Derelicte.
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Hansel
Hansel calling Matil. Hansel calling Matil. We have entry. Repeat. We have entry.
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Matilda
Okay, guys. I hear you. Now, once you get the info, l want you to e-mail it to my office and I'll download the files, we'll rendezvous and take the information to the police.
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Hansel
We hear you loud and clear.
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Derek Zoolander
Listen, Matil. I've been thinking a lot about that bulimia thing. And I want you to know I understand where you're coming from. I feel really bad that good-looking people like us, made you throw up and feel bad about yourself. For serious.
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Matilda
Thanks, Derek. Now, hurry up.
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Derek Zoolander
Okay.
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Archie
Hey, I finally got the results on the name check you asked for on Jacobim Mugatu. Or should I say Jacob Moogberg.
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Matilda
What?
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Archie
He changed his name when he went into the fashion business. Apparently, the guy was the original guitar synth player, for that band Frankie Goes to Hollywood, but he got kicked out, before they hit it big with that song Relax. After the Frankie folks gave him the heave-ho, he held a series of odd jobs until, get this, he invented the piano-key necktie in 1985. The guy's been a fashion designer ever since.
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Hansel
First obstacle. You ever use one of these?
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Derek Zoolander
I don't think so.
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Jacobim Mugatu
Watch out. Watch... Fix that hem, Jason. Please. I need... Katinka!
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Katinka
He's not here yet, Jacobim.
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Jacobim Mugatu
That little toad-face better show.
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Katinka
He will show.
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Jacobim Mugatu
Good, because I'm a hot little potato right now.
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Hansel
There must be an "on" button somewhere.
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Derek Zoolander
Did you press that apple thing? Wait! Hansel! Let's not lose our cool. Then we're no better than the machine. It's almost 7:00. I got to go.
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Hansel
No! Derek. Der, wait. If you go, they'll make you kill that Eurasian dude.
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Derek Zoolander
I don't care, Hansel. I've never been late for a show in my life. I don't plan on starting now.
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Hansel
Damn it, you're right.
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Derek Zoolander
Do me a favor. If anything happens to me, I want you to give this to Matilda.
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Hansel
No.
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Derek Zoolander
Please, Hansel. Take it. Please. Take it.
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Hansel
Man.
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Derek Zoolander
Take it.
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Hansel
Let's just say I'll hold on to it till you get back. Go! Go!
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Reporter
We're live at the Derelicte show, where controversial designer Jacobim Mugatu, has extended the olive branch to the Malaysian Prime Minister Hassan, making him the guest of honor at tonight's show. And starring in that show, veteran supermodel Derek Zoolander.
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Matilda
Guys, what's happening? Did you find the files?
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Hansel
Matilda, we've got problems. Derek's already left for the show.
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Matilda
No. No, he can't. We don't even know what the trigger is.
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Hansel
He just went running out of here. I couldn't stop him.
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Matilda
I'll call him on his phone.
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Hansel
He doesn't have it.
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Matilda
What?
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Hansel
Yeah, he doesn't have it.
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Matilda
What are you talking about? He always has it.
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Hansel
No, he gave it to me.
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Matilda
Did you find the files?
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Hansel
I don't even know what they... What do they look like?
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Matilda
They're in the computer.
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Hansel
They're in the computer?
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Matilda
Yeah, they're definitely in there. I just don't know how he labeled them.
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Hansel
I got it.
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Matilda
You got to figure it out. We're running out of time, Hansel, you got to find them and meet me at the show.
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Hansel
Roger. In the computer. It's so simple.
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