Characters in This Scene
Todd
Nathan Lee Graham
Katinka
Milla Jovovich
Derek Zoolander
Ben Stiller
Maury Ballstein
Jerry Stiller
Jacobim Mugatu
Will Ferrell
Matilda
Christine Taylor
Hansel
Owen Wilson
Pop
Popping and Locking Full Transcript
Todd
Let's go, people! Let's go! Vagrants and whores, you're wanted in Makeup! Runaways and street hustlers, you're next!
Katinka
You had us worried, Derek.
Derek Zoolander
Everything's cool. I'm really super psyched for the show.
Katinka
Good. Just remember, relax.
Todd
Two minutes, Derek.
Maury Ballstein
Ah! There he is. I just want to wish you good luck.
Derek Zoolander
Don't you mean "Good-bye"?
Maury Ballstein
What are you talking?
Derek Zoolander
I know it was you, Maury. I know it was you, and it breaks my heart.
Maury Ballstein
Derek, I don't know what you're talking. Derek, I'm... I'm sorry.
Katinka
Glad you could join us, Kmart. Lucky for you, there is no dress code.
Jacobim Mugatu
I am vile spew of the wretched masses. I am really, really dirty. I am Derelicte!
Maury Ballstein
You make me sick to my stomach, Jaco.
Jacobim Mugatu
It'll all be over soon. Derek Zoolander will be dead and you'll be fine. You always are.
Todd
Come on, Derek. You're on.
Co-Model
Break a leg, Derek.
Matilda
Derek... It's Relax!
Katinka
I hate you.
Derek Zoolander
I'm fine. I've done this a thousand times.
Matilda
The trigger! It's...
Jacobim Mugatu
Concentrate, Derelicte. Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities. Do what you've been trained to do and kill the Malaysian prime minister! Just do it already!
Hansel
D-Bone, I got your back!
Jacobim Mugatu
What? It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!
Hansel
Popping and locking, fool!
Jacobim Mugatu
They're break-dance fighting.
Reporter
Derek Zoolander just tried to kill the prime minister of Malaysia.
Hansel
That's bullshit! Listen up, everyone. Mugatu's a dick! He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude.
Jacobim Mugatu
That's a lie! Zoolander snapped because he's over the hill! He knew his career was over and he couldn't face it.
Hansel
No way, compadre. We got 30 years of files right here in this computer! They're gonna bring you down !
Matilda
Oh, no.
Hansel
Down! Where did all the files go?
Katinka
I'm taking you out!
Hansel
Yo, taste my pain, bitch!
Derek Zoolander
Yes!
Hansel
Deal with that!
Katinka
You don't have the guts, Kmart!
Matilda
Wanna bet? And by the way, you were wrong about my outfit. It's the Cheryl Ladd Collection, and I got it at J.C. Penney. On sale.
Maury Ballstein
Jig's up, Mugatu. Everything they're saying is true. I've been in on it for 30 years.
Jacobim Mugatu
What are you doing, Ballstein?
Maury Ballstein
I'm done, Jaco. I got a prostate the size of a honeydew, and a head full of bad memories. It's time to set things straight.
Jacobim Mugatu
You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything.
Maury Ballstein
I got two words for you, sugar, Zip disc. The whole thing is in my den in Long Island. I can have that evidence here in 20 minutes.
Derek Zoolander
Outta a boy, Maury.
Maury Ballstein
Hold on a second. I'm afraid of the radiation. Sheila, honey, it's me. Listen. I need you to bring that Zip disc in the den down to the fashion show. I don't care what the traffic is like. Take the God damn service road and get off before the bridge. So put it in one of those Tupperware containers and I'll heat it up in the microwave when I get home. For Christ's sake, it's a casserole, Sheila! It'll stay!
Jacobim Mugatu
Shut up! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander, anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre? They're the same face! Doesn't anyone notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano-key necktie! I invented it! What have you done, Derek? Nothing! You've done nothing! Nothing! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I have you ruin this for me! Because if you can't get the job done, then I will! Die, you wage-hiking scum!
Derek Zoolander
One look? One look? I don't think so!
Hansel
There it is!
Todd
Magnum!
Pop
Holy moly.
Maury Ballstein
Yeah, baby! That's what I've been waiting for!
Jacobim Mugatu
Dear God. It's beautiful.
Pop
Yeah! That's my kid. That's my son.
Derek Zoolander
Whoo! Yeah!
Matilda
Derek!
Maury Ballstein
l love that kid. Dumb as a stump, but I love him.
Matilda
Derek, you did it! That was amazing!
Derek Zoolander
I know. I turned left!
Matilda
Yeah, that too. But, Derek, you saved the prime minister of Malaysia!
Derek Zoolander
Oh! Right. Cool.
Prime Minister
Thank you, Derek Zoolander, for saving my life.