Characters in This Scene
Derek Zoolander
Ben Stiller
Jacobim Mugatu
Will Ferrell
Maury Ballstein
Jerry Stiller
Matilda
Christine Taylor
Derek's Retirement Full Transcript
Derek Zoolander
Rufus, Brint and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean like an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it, which is more meaningful, I think. If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs, and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. So today, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity, to announce my...
Jacobim Mugatu
Hansel. He's so hot right now. Hansel.
Derek Zoolander
I would like to take this... People! I'd like to announce my retirement from the male modeling profession.
Maury Ballstein
What?
Derek Zoolander
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good-looking. And I plan on finding out what that is. Thank you.
Matilda
Mr. Mugatu! Mr. Mugatu! If I could just have a moment of your time, please, sir. Just one minute of your time, please, sir! Derek? Derek, hey!
Derek Zoolander
What do you want?
Matilda
Actually, I'm trying to talk to Mugatu, but he's tougher to get to than the president.
Derek Zoolander
I thought you were gonna tell me what a bad "eugoogolizer" I am.
Matilda
A what?
Derek Zoolander
A "eugoogolizer." One who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a "eugoogoly" was? How could you have written those terrible things about me?
Matilda
Look, Derek, my editor put that headline on it, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know it came off kind of harsh.
Derek Zoolander
Yeah, well, fortunately for you, not too many people I know read your little Time magazine, or whatever it's called.
Matilda
Look, maybe you could do me a favor. All I'm trying to do is get some background information on Mugatu.
Derek Zoolander
Mugatu? If you knew anything, you'd know Mugatu's the one designer who's never hired me.
Matilda
Come on. There's gotta be...
Derek Zoolander
Sorry, lady. Not interested. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got an after funeral party to attend.