Characters in This Scene
Jackie Treehorn
Ben Gazzara
Jeffrey Lebowski
Jeff Bridges
The Stranger
Sam Elliott
Did the Pope Shit in the Woods Full Transcript
Jackie Treehorn
Hello Dude, thanks for coming. I'm Jackie Treehorn.
Jeffrey Lebowski
Quite a pad you got here, man. Completely unspoiled.
Jackie Treehorn
What's your drink, Dude?
Jeffrey Lebowski
White Russian, thanks.
Jackie Treehorn
White Russian.
Jeffrey Lebowski
How's the smut business, Jackie?
Jackie Treehorn
I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy--
Jeffrey Lebowski
Which one's Logjammin'?
Jackie Treehorn
Yes regrettably, it's true, standards have fallen in adult entertainment. It's video, Dude. Now that we're competing with the amateurs, we can't afford to invest in little extras like story, production value, feelings.
Jackie Treehorn
People forget, that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone--
Jeffrey Lebowski
On you, maybe.
Jackie Treehorn
Of course, you have to take the good with the bad. The new technology permits us to do very exciting things in interactive erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic.
Jeffrey Lebowski
Hmmm. Well, I still jerk off manually.
Jackie Treehorn
Ah heh, ha ha Of course you do. Well, I can see you're anxious for me to get to the point. Well, here it is Dude. Where's Bunny?
Jeffrey Lebowski
Well I thought you might know that, man.
Jackie Treehorn
Why would I? She only ran off to get away from that rather sizable debt to me.
Jeffrey Lebowski
Oh no, she didn't run off, she's been uh--
Jackie Treehorn
I've heard the kidnapping story, so save it. I know you're mixed up in all this, Dude, and I don't care what you're trying to get from the husband. That's your business. All I'm saying is, I want mine.
Jeffrey Lebowski
Yeah, right man, there are a lot of uh, facets uh, to this. A lotta interested parties uh--
Jackie Treehorn
Excuse me.
Jackie Treehorn
Yeah, Oh yeah? Where's that?
Jackie Treehorn
Alright.
Jackie Treehorn
Excuse me.
Jeffrey Lebowski
Hummm!
Jackie Treehorn
Forgive me.
Jeffrey Lebowski
No problemo man... So uh, if I uh, can find your money, ah, what's in it for the Dude?
Jackie Treehorn
Well of course, there's that to discuss. A Refill?
Jeffrey Lebowski
Yeah, did the Pope shit in the woods?
Jackie Treehorn
A 10% finder's fee? Is that alright?
Jeffrey Lebowski
Ummm! Okay, done, Jackie. Yeah, I dig the way you do business, man. Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. He lives in North Hollywood, on Radford... uh, by the In-N-Out Burger.
Jeffrey Lebowski
A real fuckin' brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off uh, him I mean he's fifteen...and flunking social studies. So if you could just uh, write me a check for my ten percent...of half a million...five grand.
Jeffrey Lebowski
I'll go out and mingle. Ahem um, you mix a hell of a Caucasian, Jackie.
Jackie Treehorn
A fifteen-year-old? Is this some sort of a joke?
Jeffrey Lebowski
Awww, no joke. No funny stuff, Jackie...the kid's got it. Hi, fellas...kid just wanted a car. All the Dude ever wanted...was his rug back...not greedy...it really...tied the room together.
The Stranger
Darkness washed over the Dude--darker than a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.